bruised shins + kathy bates
i’ve been trying to share new episodes with you all this week. my substack audio feature has been super glitchy. i’ve recorded so many times, only to be met with error messages during attempted uploads. but i realized that… it’s okay. fitting, actually. i’m just now beginning to feel a desire to communicate this week, so a written tyh is perhaps what is called for.
i was stumbling through the dark this morning as i was getting my daughter ready for an early morning dental appointment. my pinky toe and shin as casualties. i was feeling around, searching for some nightlight plug-ins that i’d purchased. i finally resigned to just flicking on another light and once i could see, i went about my morning.
it brought me to the importance of vision, and how that can be different from sight. in manifestation, the key is being able to envision, in great detail, what we are trying to call in. so much so that we can physically feel into it, place ourselves there. that clear vision becomes what we move toward, consciously and subconsciously. while we have a vision the path to get there can still be a darkened hallway—providing no sight. in my experience that’s when faith has proven paramount: while stepping out into the unknown. as long as i have that vision, though, as a light at the end of that long hallway, moving forward is easier.
in hindsight of earlier this morning:
i had no light at the end of my hallway. i was searching for a specific light in the darkness. i wasn’t okay with not being able to see, but i wasn’t satisfied with using the light that was readily available to me. and my body got a little banged up in the process.
once i used the light i was aware of, i moved easily and productively.
these few minutes this morning sent me back to my drawing board. the funk that left me little desire to communicate this week was a result of stagnancy… because i had begun to abandon my vision—after knock-backs, stalled progress, monkey wrenches. this morning my bruised shin was a reminder to get back to that vision. even if it needs some adjusting, a few new details. and i already feel it peeling me up from between my tear-soaked couch cushions.
the reminder paired well with a little scripted nugget i heard last night. i’ve been watching the new matlock starring kathy bates; i used to watch the original late 80s-early 90s andy griffith-version with my father. in the episode i watched last night, kathy bates gave her boss-turned-friend a speech that took me by surprise. it wasn’t the most elegant thing or anything i didn’t know, but… it moved me to tears because in all of my stuckness and fatigue it was exactly what i needed to hear. her character being an older maternal figure drove it home. she said:
sweet girl, i’m gonna give you some advice my mother gave me. snap the hell out of it. life isn’t fair, or easy. it’s a long uphill marathon in the rain and we’re expected to run it in high heels. but trust me… when you get close to the finish line… you look back and you realize what a privilege it was... this is nothing. just a leg cramp… keep running.
and that i will, mattie. that i will.